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A guest article by ajmalbeig
One is not bound to have all the joys in life. You may have
everything in life but there are still those things which one may
need that seems very common to others and yet it kept on giving
hard times. Everyone has his/her own share of pains to bear in life.
I've got mine and you've got yours. But we need to lean on each
other to keep life smooth going. You may be aright financially and
physically but you may be lacking on the emotional side of life.
Everyone need, someone to hold on, someone to lean on, someone who
could be there for you all the time, someone to share fun with, bad
times and good times, trial times and celebration times, rainy time
and sunny times of life with you.
Remember, sometimes things happen to you at
the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in
reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you
would have never realized your potential, strength, will-power or
heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happen by chance or
by means of good luck, illness, injury, love, lost-moments of true
greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your
soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly
paved, straight, flat road, yet safe and comfortable but dull and
utterly pointless. The people you meet affect your life in various
ways. The success and downfalls that you experience can create who
you are, and the bad experiences to learn from. In fact, they are
probably the most affecting and important ones.
The invalid persons are somehow parasites on society. In a certain state it is
indecent to go on living. To vegetate on in cowardly dependence on
physicians and medicaments after the meaning of life, the right to
life, has been lost ought to entail the profound contempt of
The invalid (disable) persons face many problems; like medical,
physical, financial and emotional, while they grown up with their
certain types of disabilities. As the puberty opened their physical
door, emotional requirements, wishes, and
deprivations crafted their life in a different way. At this point
they need someone to share their feelings and love with.
We must know that "there is only one happiness
in life; to love and be loved.
Our only purpose in life is to love
and, if we can't do that, try not to hurt each other".
As a disable person myself, I experienced that in the long run, emotional side of
disability is utmost incurable in hospitals
and clinics. It can only be treated with an accommodating and
sympathetic hand of
opposite sex. I observed; this is the most challenging branch of
disability to cure with, to handle with. Deprivation and frustration
from a soothing pleasure of opposite sex in a certain age, not only
developed psychological irritations but physical devastations as
As a matter of fact, our society denies their emotional needs and doesn't accept
and accommodate disable persons as married couples. There is no
community support to such invalids who want to marry at their own
consent. No specific NGO or any marriage center work for the cause
of their marriage problems. Rather, certain social,
family and religious restrictions improve their frustration and
deprivation. In this
depressed situation, invalid persons ruined their
talents and limited abilities over and over. Thus, they no more helpful for
themselves nor for the nation and the country.
The only growing risk, which all invalid persons think about, is 'insecure
future'. They are unconfident, what they would do and who will
support them, (a) when they grown up, (b) when their parents will no more,
(c) when their brother(s) and/or sister(s) would marry and enjoy their own
life, and (d) when they developed to certain complications etc. etc. This
approach is more perceptive in females rather than males and in
physically invalids (wheelchair users) than other type of disables. However, there are
some exceptions, where the invalid have inherited property and/or
other financial securities to his/her name but such instances are
very occasional in our society. These wits and thrilling realities
motivate and encourage them to find a life partner to live with and
to secure with, before it's too late.
The best match for a
disable is a normal human being who can prove to be
his/her better-half and understand his/her requirements whether they
are emotional, physical or social. To marry with a disable (either
sex) is somewhat a difficult and daring decision. It requires determination, stamina, resistance and all-in-all courage to
sacrifice. Certain social and family backgrounds are the major
restrictions to perform this humanitarian duty. In most cases, it's
only possible if both guys are honestly involved in love and daring
to fight for their human rights. Nevertheless, it's obligatory for
them to talk to their elders directly or indirectly. They must try
their level best to get their consent, before going to take any
severe action. They should also be considered, the respect, social
background and ego of their elders. On the other hand; it's however,
more realistic and secure, if family elders resolve this matter on
the family platform with mutual understanding. They must aware that
primarily, a disable person is a family issue, certain social and
state responsibilities arise far after. So they ought to take
interest in the subject on humanitarian grounds and accommodate
their family disables (either sex) within the family borders. It's
most reliable, elegant and dignified way to handle the situation in
positive manner before they turn into disloyal and get civil
As stated above, the best match for a disabled is a normal human
However, if it's beyond the boundaries, try to prefer a disable
person to compensate each other.
Be realistic that this way, two lives would be saved and secured.
However, marriage among disables (either sex) requires some
essential security measures before proceeding. These precautions
will help them protected from anticipated difficulties after
marriage. Below is a checklist you seriously considered...
The most and the least condition is to have a
reliable economical background, preferably by either sex. If you are not earning by
your own whether outside or at home, you must wait for a favorable
time. Don't wholly solely depend on your parents and other family
members because everyone will leave you at a certain period of time.
With the help of someone you trust upon, try
to have a social meeting with your spouse (to be) for better understanding each other.
Be realistic to discuss the specific difficulties, problems and details of
impairment you both have. Talk about, how would you compensate each
other and what factors should be compromised. If personal meeting is not possible,
communicate over telephone to share your thoughts and ideas. Discuss your future planning liberally
and listen to each other whole-heartedly and patiently. Finally, take time to
evaluate; that you are the best match.
Don't marry with the person having same type of disability.
Physically invalids (wheelchair bounded in particular), amputees of
same nature, blind, deaf, and dumb couples cannot compensate each
other by any means. However, a blind can match a deaf and a dumb can
survive with a physically handicap. Similarly a leg amputee may
compromise with an arm amputee. Consider more than once, before tie
the knot with a mentally retarded. These are compromising realities,
you must think over and over.
Consult your doctor to know, if your disability
is a result of spinal cord injury. It's utmost necessary to know the
actual phenomenon of your disability because severe spinal cord injuries lead to sexual
impairment, resulting impotent and thus childless. Though, modern medical science have
artificial seminal procedures but such techniques are not permitted
in the laws imposed by
Islam. However, to adopt a child may be a better solution otherwise.
Restrictions on Marriage of Disabled Persons.
Becoming a parent is one of the biggest
decisions you can make, and it's important to get lots of information
and advice before having a baby. Being a parent is very hard task
for invalids but can be rewarding too. Keep in mind; some disabled
people may find it physically difficult to have some kinds of sex,
because of their impairment, thus not all disabled people become
parents (this phenomenon is not only applicable to disables but
evenly to normal couples as well). If you are able to have sex, but
don’t want to have a baby, use contraception.
Don't be self-pity by any means and never
expect sympathy and mercy from others. This attitude is poisonous
and will trash out your capabilities and talents. You will become
dependent for your entire life.
Be confident, realistic, and tolerant. You
must believe that besides all efforts, favours and positive
approaches, destiny does matter. Pray to God Almighty for His
guidance and help. Remember, not all human-beings are married
couples in the world even they are normal. Be brave to face
all circumstances and situations even they are not in your favour.
It's quite better to be alone than a divorced after some weeks/month
When you are given the "gift of disability",
it does not diminish you as much as you might initially think. When
one door closes, many others are opened. A blind man's sense of
hearing sharpens to hear a pin drop 100 meters away; a quadriplegic
develops extraordinary sensitivity in his/her facial skin that
enables him/her to "feel" colors. See the opportunities that are
available to you now that you could never see yourself as a more
able person. The world is waiting and the possibilities are
Nothing is impossible. While you may never
have a new pair of kidneys or be able to re-grow a limb you have
lost, almost everything you dreamed of doing before your disability
can still be possible. You just may have to modify quite a bit to
achieve it. Don't let anything stand in your way and don't fall prey
to blaming. You are the only person who can get you from the depths
of despair to all the success you want in life. Go for it!
Read these Urdu articles, for better
In fact, it has been practically observed and proved that disable persons
when married, not only strengthened each other but in the long run compensate each
other as well. In a mutual way, they both felt protected and secure.
This satisfaction and ecstasy opens new horizons of success to them
and they try to live in such a way that they no more parasites on
society. They become self-confident, self-reliance and competent. At
the last but not least, we must acknowledged that marriage is a
sacred phenomenon and human attitude called by nature. So as
human-beings, disabled persons also have the right to get married.
However, it should be considered realistically; their marriage is a
requirement, not luxury.
A blazing issue
Most public and private places – such as
shopping malls, plazas, banks, hotels, restaurants, parks, theaters,
cinemas, hospitals, clinics, railway stations, airports etc., have poor access
(e.g. loads of steps!). For most disabled people, this makes it more
difficult to approach and this hinders their liberty and self-confidence.
The state and relevant authorities must take
this issue most seriously and make public and private places
accessible to disabled people. Old buildings should have a
convenient access ramp for disables on priority basis. Moreover,
don't issue clearance certificate to such buildings which have no
access for disables.
Let's join our hands together and find our solutions among
Be proud of who you are, it's OK to be different.
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