Perfect Helpline

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. (Charlie Chaplin)

  Here are some actual call centre conversations... LOL 

	» Deleted File » 0800 Phone Number » Right-click » OK Button » WordPerfect Customer Support » Samsung Electronics » RAC Motoring Services » Heavy Breathing

  Deleted File 

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks; will I have my file back again?

  0800 Phone Number 

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.

Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.

Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.

  Right-click 

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.

Customer: 'OK'.

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.

  OK Button 

Tech Support: 'Well. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

  Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.

Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

 RAC Motoring Services

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

  Heavy Breathing

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.

Now another serious long comedy...read it, enjoy it but take it seriously...

  WordPerfect Customer Support  

This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):


Employee: Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?
Well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

What sort of trouble?
Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Went away?
Yes, they disappeared.

Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Nothing.

Nothing?
It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
How do I tell?

Can you see the c:prompt on the screen?
What's a sea-prompt?

Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.

Does your monitor have a power indicator?
What's a monitor?

It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
I don't know.

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Yes, I think so.

Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Yes, it is.

When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
No.

Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Okay, here it is.

Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
I can't reach.

Uh huh. Well can you see if it is?
No.

Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle. It's because it's dark.

Dark?
Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Well, turn on the office light then.
I can't.

No? Why not?
Because there's a power outage.

A power....A power outage?
Aha!

Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manuals and packing stuff you computer came in?
Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Really?

Is it that bad?
Yes, I'm afraid it is. Well, all right then, I suppose.

What do I tell them?
Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!