Corporate Lessons    

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. (Charlie Chaplin)

Comedy is an escape, not from truth but from despair; a narrow escape into faith.

Lesson #01 - Focus on Solutions not on Problems

Lesson #02 - Potato Garden and FBI

Lesson #03 - The Monkey Visa

Lesson #04 - The Actual Problem

Lesson #05 - 800 Dollars

Lesson #06 - You will find Glory

Lesson #07 - Three Wishes

Lesson #08 - Corporate Ladder and Reduced Balls

Lesson #09 - Engineers vs Managers

Lesson #10 - Copy and Paste

Lesson #11 - Men always have better friends

Lesson #12 - Prayers have been answered

Lesson #13 - How to fill your empty glass?

Lesson # 1 Focus on Solutions not on Problems

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Here are the two solutions from two different approaches:

Solution-A The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so

Solution-B But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

  Moral of the Story

"Keep the solution short & simple" i.e. always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem. So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems.

Lesson # 2 Potato Garden and FBI

An old man lived alone. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram "For Heaven's Sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the guns!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and started digging up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad, It's the best I could do for you from here."

  Moral Of the Story 

Nothing is Impossible. No matter where you are in the world, if you have decided to do something deep from your heart, you can do it. It's the thought that matters, not where you are or where the prison is.

Lesson # 3 The Monkey Visa

In a poor zoo of Pakistan, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a centrally air-conditioned environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card as well.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained a few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from Pakistan.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted him, Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but... the delivery of food is according to your documents. What do you mean? The lion roared fiercely. Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

  Moral of the story: 

Better to be a Lion in Pakistan rather than a Monkey elsewhere!

Lesson #  4 The Actual Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test you could perform to give me a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response. "

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So he moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so; he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"James, for the fifth time I've said, CHICKEN!"

  Moral of the story: 

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think It could be very much within us..!

Lesson # 5 800 Dollars valid for

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says,” I’ll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on.

"After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"

  Moral of the story: 

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
 

Lesson # 6 You will find Glory  valid for

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized.” Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.

"Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

  Moral of the story: 

Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!

Lesson # 7 Three wishes

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

  Moral of the story: 

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson # 8 Corporate Ladder and Reduced Balls

Usually the staff of the company plays football.

The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.

The top management usually has a preference for Golf.

  Findings: 

As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size .

Lesson # 9 Engineers vs Managers

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities. The manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape. The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet.

The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.

An Engineer came along and saw what they' were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.

After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for height and he gives the length"

  Moral of the story: 

No matter how good engineer you are, Managers always finds fault in you.

Lesson # 10 Copy and Paste

A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"

The crowd was shocked! After a pause, the speaker followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" Naturally, his wife was shell shocked by hearing this.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time by his wife.

  Moral of the story: 

Don't copy if you can't paste.

Lesson # 11 Men always have better friends...

Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirmed that she was with them.

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

  Moral of the story: 

Men always have better friends. They will stand by you, no matter what the situation is!

Lesson # 12 Prayers have been answered

"Father," a lady says to her priest, "I have a problem. I've got two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" inquires the priest.

"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaims. "You know," he says after a moment of thought, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your parrots over to the rectory and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responds. "I can't tell you how happy this makes me."

The next day, she carries her female birds to the priest's house. As he ushers her in, she sees his two male parrots inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she places her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cry out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There is stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot turns to the other. "Put the beads away, Francis," he says, "our prayers have been answered!"

  Moral of the story: 

Bad company inspired one's morality.

Lesson # 13 How to fill your empty glass...

A city boy, Aslam, moved to the village and bought a donkey from an old farmer for Rs. 1000. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said...

Farmer: "Sorry Aslam, but I have some bad news, the donkey died while I was bringing him here."

Aslam: "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Aslam: "OK then, just unload the donkey."

Farmer: "What you are going to do with him?"

Aslam: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: Raffle is like lottery - draw lot to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket and there is a big prize for the people who win.)

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Aslam: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Aslam and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Aslam: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at Rs. 10 each and made a profit of Rs 4990 with the donkey worth Rs. 1000 as the prize.

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Aslam: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his Rs. 10."

  Moral of the story: 

No situation is so bad that it cannot be turned around. You need to just think hard. So look at your glass always as half full (positive attitude) rather than half empty. Do not lose hope.